Saturday, May 28, 2016

On Luck, Tilt, and Our Reasons for Playing

It's been an interesting last several years. I no longer have serious aspirations of playing poker professionally, but life is great. I still consider myself a student of the game, but I don't have the desire to invest the kind of time and effort required to become (and remain) an elite player. I simply have too many other far more fulfilling pursuits that I can't see myself ever setting aside.

That said, I do still play on a regular basis, and I've decided to resume closer analysis of my game because I firmly believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well. I've created multiple blogs on various platforms over the years and contemplated creating yet another one for this particular exercise, but I decided to just return to this ratty old one instead because it feels like the best place to be authentic. To simply write for me.

My poker play these days is basically limited to a regular Friday night small stakes mixed cash game. The rotation is No Limit Hold'em (NLHE), Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo 8 or Better (PLO8), and, when the table is shorthanded, Seven Card Stud Hi/Lo 8 or Better (7S8).

The primary impetus for returning to this blog has been a very drawn out string of extremely poor luck. A seemingly endless stream of beats and coolers over the course of almost 3 years now. My approach as of late has been to just keep taking things one hand at a time, allowing for brief outbursts of profanity in order to quickly return to level-headed game play. But it's gotten to a point now where I'm seriously wondering if I should just quit the game altogether. And it seems to me that an honest and thorough analysis of my reasons for playing is a good place to start searching for that answer.

So why do I still play poker these days? Entertainment value is probably tops on that list. I've known the regulars in my Friday cash game for nearly a decade in some cases; they're great people and I don't think I laugh that hard anywhere else. Certainly not as often, at the very least. This reason alone is very nearly enough to throw the idea of quitting right out the window.

But I do also still play to win money. And as I'm typing this, it's further crystallizing the idea that I need to stop playing on autopilot and start employing a more thoughtful and intentional game (not unlike the approach I used to have when I first started this blog all those years ago).  I know I've made many (MANY) good decisions at the table over the last few years which haven't panned out. But at the same time, I haven't done nearly enough to ensure that my not-so-good decisions are acknowledged and rectified.

I think that's the answer right there. If I truly believe that I'm doomed by bad luck, then the only answer is to quit. But I still firmly believe, just as I always have, that luck evens out over the long run, so I simply need to push on. However, if I'm going to proceed with that mindset, the wise approach will be to consciously maximize the quality of the decisions I make, regardless of how well or how poorly they pan out. That is definitely an area where I've fallen short over the last several years, and this is where I will leverage this blog to ensure that my Friday night cash game remains an enjoyable and profitable investment of my time.

The one positive of this extended string of poker misfortune is that I honestly feel at this point as if I've been beaten into submission. I can say with a great deal of sincerity that there are very few things at the table that surprise me anymore, and the experience has helped me quite a bit to avoid prolonged bouts of tilt. The only problem is that I've also allowed it to take me to a place of complacency, so this is where I will work to move back towards the middle, to a place where my complete focus and trust is on high quality decision-making.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Monday, August 3, 2009

July 2009 Recap

Cash game net profit = $183.00
Tournament net profit = -$23.41
Total net profit = $159.59

I had recently stopped keeping track of my number of cash game hours played, my excuse being that I was multitabling among various online poker sites, not all of which are supported by PokerTracker. Actually, I guess it's already been a few months now since I stopped. Geez...

In any case, I'm realizing that it was probably just a lame excuse to be lazy, so I'm going to go back to tracking my hours played. It's actually a much more useful statistic than raw profit/loss anyway.

As much as I've been preaching the importance of staying in the moment and not worrying about past results or potential future outcomes, I do think it would be fairly valuable at this point to address a brutal reality that occurred to me while reviewing some of my previous posts. And that reality is that, from a bankroll perspective specifically, I'm pretty much exactly where I was when I first started this blog almost two and a half years ago.

The value in acknowledging this is that I believe that the primary reasons for my lack of progress all fall under a single, readily identifiable umbrella: a lack of personal discipline.

I'm writing this on the fly so this might not be a complete list, but I think it's safe to say that it will include the most significant problems that I've been unable to overcome (at least not on a consistent enough basis).

1. Ego - I've acknowledged this previously, but I don't think I realized until just now how often I still alter my play when I feel that someone else is taking command at the table. This isn't about proving how good of a player I am; it's about making money and that's it. Yet even as I type this, I have my doubts as to how fully I understand this.

2. Need for immediate gratification - This is the results-oriented side of me which I've clearly had a more difficult time suppressing than I thought. I try too hard to win pots during a cold streak; I count my chips almost constantly to see whether or not I'm up or down in the session; I play more conservatively when I'm winning and more aggressively when I'm losing; I have a hard time getting motivated to play micro-stakes; when I experience an extended break-even period, I get this idea that I should automatically try a different game or format. I can't seem to help but look for a shortcut, even though I know deep down that there isn't one.

3. Poor bankroll management - To date, my excuse for playing in higher stakes than I probably should is that my current bankroll is replenishable with the income from my 'real' job. And it is. However, it's only replenishable every 2 weeks when I get paid. And the recurring pattern seems to be that I build up to a certain level, take some stabs at higher stakes and then refuse to move back down when I take a hit. And then I have to wait until pay day to start all over again. The other problem is that even when I do win, I seem to continually pull my money out for one expense or another, basically living 'paycheck to paycheck'.

So where do I go from here now that I've identified these issues? I'm really not sure I have the answer to that. For all I know, these could be character flaws which I will never be able to overcome no matter how hard I try. That said, I have no doubt in my mind that there's only one way to find out. But even then, at what point do you decide that you simply don't have what it takes? I told my folks about a year ago that I was giving myself two years to try to make this work, and if it didn't, I'd return to a full-time work schedule and go back to school to pursue an MBA. So technically, I do still have another year to make it happen. I guess as long as I continue to focus on fixing what I know to be wrong, the answers will all become apparent in time.

System Check (monthly character assessment on a scale of 1 to 10):

Present-mindedness: 5 (-1)
Lately, I've been anything but process-oriented. I need to do a more thorough budget analysis to make sure that I only play when I can do so without worrying about whether I win or lose. The most practical solution is probably to focus primarily on playing the micro-stakes games online. I need to get better at playing the same regardless of the stakes anyway.


Awareness: 5 (no change)
In a sense, I suppose I've improved considering my realization that I've made essentially zero progress in the last 2 years. But from a pure poker perspective, I definitely haven't been using all of the information available to me when making decisions at the table.

Physical fitness
: 6 (+1)
Guess I'm just fortunate that I love the beach as much as I do. Maintaining my improved dietary decisions also seems to be getting easier and easier.

Friday, July 31, 2009

June 2009 Recap

Cash game net profit = -$120.00
Tournament net profit = $50.00
Total net profit = -$70.00

June was fairly uneventful, hence the late update. One thing worth noting, however, is that I've started to get back to truly studying and trying to improve my game, which is probably one of the better decisions I've made recently. At this point, I think the greatest challenge is playing often enough to keep the lessons fresh on the mind. I'm still making a few of the same mistakes over and over, and it's made me aware of just how quickly my discipline falters with even just a week or so off from poker. In particular, staying process-oriented is a skill which, at least in my case, seems to require almost daily maintenance/practice.

I think one contributing factor is how tight my budget has been in recent months. Between a few car repairs and some work done on the house, I've really had to dip into my poker bankroll, and the result is that I've too often been finding myself either playing "scared money" or pressing too hard to win more than my share of pots. This isn't the first time I've had to address this kind of problem, so I think it's about time to truly nail down some potential long-term solutions.

One option would be to go back to working 40 hour weeks, either by taking on a 2nd part-time job or finding another full-time job. Between a full-time salary and the nearly 180-degree change in my ridiculous old spending habits, the amount of progress I could make towards eliminating my existing debts quite honestly makes my head spin a little. The main problem with going back to a single full-time job is that getting back this part-time gig at any point in the future would not be a guarantee. As for finding a 2nd part-time job, I would almost certainly have to settle for a lower total salary. And in either case, I'd have to give up my current 3-days-a-week schedule, which I reluctantly admit has spoiled me significantly.

The other option would be to continue as I have been, grinding it out from paycheck to paycheck with the goal of gradually building a true bankroll whenever I have a decent session (and can avoid being hit by any unforeseen life expenses). The irony is that this option would probably be the best one as far as improving my actual poker game is concerned. But paying off my debts would then be incumbent upon achieving a high enough income from poker to offset what I lose by only working part-time at my 'real' job. And there's no telling how long that might take.

In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, I am in a pickle...

I'll probably have to start by researching available job openings, both full-time and part-time. I get the feeling that I won't be making a final decision on this anytime soon.

System Check (monthly character assessment on a scale of 1 to 10):

Present-mindedness: 6 (no change)
As I mentioned earlier, there wasn't a whole lot to report from June, so this month's system check will remain unchanged.


Awareness: 5 (no change)

Physical fitness
: 5 (no change)

Monday, June 29, 2009

March/April/May 2009 Recap

Cash game net profit = $541.69
Tournament net profit = $53.33
Total net profit = $595.02

As evidenced by my lack of blog updates, my poker playing has been minimal over the last few months. While there are multiple factors which have affected my playing time (less frequent gatherings of my regular home game bunch, other demands on my time, limited availability of funds, etc.), I realize that in the end it has primarily been a matter of not taking the initiative to log the hours that I should. After all, there's always online poker, not to mention the local charity games, which I believe can be quite profitable despite the poor rake structure.

On one hand, I'm okay with my reduced hours because I still firmly believe that you should never play if you feel like you HAVE to. But on the other hand, it's generally only when I'm too focused on the immediate results that I ever feel like I HAVE to play. And that's almost always the result of wanting to get back whatever money I may have lost after a few bad sessions, because making the time to play is never a problem when I'm winning...

I haven't forgotten that the only results that will really matter are my bottom line figures when my poker 'career' comes to an end. But with so many important lessons to have to retain/recall, it's becoming clear that I need to come up with a way to fully absorb the most crucial ones to the extent that they are second nature. Far too often, I'm finding myself making the same mistakes over and over again, and even though the complexity of the game is a large part of its beauty, I understand now that it's going to require a much more conscious, studious effort on my part to reach the level of play that I'm striving for.

System Check (monthly character assessment on a scale of 1 to 10):

Present-mindedness: 6 (-3)
This is the perfect example of how quickly one's poker game can slip without consistent and conscious maintenance
. In looking back over several of the sessions I've played since March, I now recall succumbing to numerous bouts of tilt due to being highly results-oriented, though I was completely unaware of it at the time. Or at least not aware enough to do anything about it. I think the lesson here is that truly playing my 'A' game requires much, much more than just showing up.


Awareness: 5 (-2)
In addition to not noticing whenever I lost some control over my emotions, I can also recall paying far too much attention to the cards and not enough to all the other information available. Even though I'm competing with the other players at the table, I'm seeing now that the greatest challenge in poker (and probably most other competitive games/sports) is overcoming the natural tendency for one's individual discipline to come apart.

Physical fitness
: 5 (no change)
Even though I've lost 15 pounds since my last update, I can't really take much credit since I've only been to the gym once or twice during that timeframe. I mean, I've been a little more conscious of what I've been eating, but short of some type of tapeworm, I really don't have much of an explanation. On the bright side, I'll probably be spending a lot more time out at the beach now that summer is here, which should help a bit with my focus/endurance at the poker table.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

February 2009 Recap

Cash game net profit = -$463.25 (54.17 hours played)
Tournament net profit = -$40.43
Total net profit = -$503.68

The bulk of my losses came from a $2/$5 NLHE cash game session I played at Harrah's in Atlantic City. All of the $1/$2 tables were full, so I agreed to sit $2/$5 since I was playing with vacation money. Not a smart decision from a pure bankroll perspective, but the experience was worth the money and then some.

System Check (monthly character assessment on a scale of 1 to 10):

Present-mindedness: 9 (no change)
I'm reluctant to give myself a 10 in this category simply because I believe that there is almost always room for improvement. That said, I actually find it a little ridiculous how quickly I can shut out all thoughts about the past and future in order to focus on the moment at hand.


Awareness: 7 (no change)
I'm not forcing the issue as often as I used to, and I think letting the game come to me has really eliminated some major distractions. This has allowed me to be more perceptive of each situation as a whole rather than just bits and pieces here and there.

Physical fitness
: 5 (no change)
I'll need to develop a more consistent routine before I can even consider scoring myself any higher.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I beat Daniel Negreanu at poker!

Ok, for starters, the title is a little misleading. Yes, I did beat Daniel Negreanu in one stupid little hand of No-Limit Hold'em, but it was a very nondescript hand, and one that I'm not even sure I played all that well. But for a small-timer such as myself, getting a chance to play against a professional whom you respect is the kind of stuff that memories are made of. So I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts.

(FYI, I'm not exactly sure what Mr. Negreanu was doing at a $0.05/$0.10 NLHE table, but based on what I was reading in the chat box, it sounded like he was just working on some kind of bankroll building experiment similar to the one that Chris Ferguson did a few years back. I'll have to look into it.)

Here's the hand history:

PokerStars Game #24996057883: Hold'em No Limit ($0.05/$0.10) - 2009/02/16 1:18:42 ET
Table 'Alphard IX' 9-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: KidPoker ($8.60 in chips)
Seat 2: big-gary1979 ($10.65 in chips)
Seat 3: RandomFlask ($10 in chips)
Seat 4: ugarforty ($14.50 in chips)
Seat 5: vordul1 ($8.70 in chips)
Seat 6: LLITOPM ($5.45 in chips)
Seat 7: Stevercakes ($12 in chips)
Seat 8: noidtymer ($9.50 in chips)
Seat 9: ShArK00000 ($14.95 in chips)
koogy [observer] said, "im 116th think ill get on"
big-gary1979: posts small blind $0.05
RandomFlask: posts big blind $0.10
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to RandomFlask [As Qs]
EloiseZilla [observer] said, "for the champion"
SvenDee [observer] said, "humberto doubles up :D"
ugarforty: folds
vernondbacks [observer] said, "im 118"
vernondbacks [observer] said, "haha"
Soncy [observer] said, "i like to watch tables that include sammy and eli elizera"
vordul1: calls $0.10
dandog23 [observer] said, "IM 123RD"
Soncy [observer] said, "fun fun"
LLITOPM: folds
Stevercakes: calls $0.10
EloiseZilla [observer] said, "Daniel HU4Rollz???"
noidtymer: folds
ShArK00000: folds
KidPoker: calls $0.10
big-gary1979: calls $0.05
RandomFlask: checks
*** FLOP *** [Ad Kd 2d]
vernondbacks [observer] said, "yea i love watching the high stakes poker"
big-gary1979: checks
RandomFlask: checks
vordul1: checks
koogy [observer] said, "umberto;s up to $55"
Stevercakes: checks
turbo4321 [observer] said, "i am 131. i have the best chance to get in"
KidPoker: bets $0.30
thejohnay1 [observer] said, "daniel. My wife knows nothing about poker but u r her favorite player. We hope to me t u some day at the WSOP cuz we go every year. Her bday is in July"
big-gary1979: folds
RandomFlask: calls $0.30
SvenDee [observer] said, "yip he cracked aces on the river"
KKpalsta [observer] said, "lineodds very low"
vordul1: folds
Stevercakes: folds
*** TURN *** [Ad Kd 2d] [5h]
RandomFlask: checks
koogy [observer] said, "vamos daniel"
IntoTheAce [observer] said, "daniel i love u"
InfamouzKrow [observer] said, "I AM 70TH"
KidPoker: bets $0.80
jkos86 [observer] said, "who cracked aces?"
turbo4321 [observer] said, "If I get in, I would take Daniel's money. bc I know he has money"
vins21 [observer] said, "IS this really Daniel?????????/"
IntoTheAce [observer] said, "go dinner"
koogy [observer] said, "don;t worry random will call down"
JasonH420 [observer] said, "LOOK AT THE RAKE OMG"
Mr. cariry [observer] said, "129 players waiting"
Mr. cariry [observer] said, "hauhauhau"
koogy [observer] said, "how much is the rake?"
IntoTheAce [observer] said, "daniel"
IntoTheAce [observer] said, ":D"
vins21 [observer] said, "and I am 17th........:))))))))))"
RandomFlask: calls $0.80
*** RIVER *** [Ad Kd 2d 5h] [2c]
RandomFlask: checks
JasonH420 [observer] said, "OMG RAKE"
KidPoker: checks
*** SHOW DOWN ***
RandomFlask: shows [As Qs] (two pair, Aces and Deuces)
KidPoker: mucks hand
JasonH420 [observer] said, "SICK"
RandomFlask collected $2.60 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $2.70 | Rake $0.10
Board [Ad Kd 2d 5h 2c]
Seat 1: KidPoker (button) mucked [Ks 6s]
Seat 2: big-gary1979 (small blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 3: RandomFlask (big blind) showed [As Qs] and won ($2.60) with two pair, Aces and Deuces
Seat 4: ugarforty folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: vordul1 folded on the Flop
Seat 6: LLITOPM folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 7: Stevercakes folded on the Flop
Seat 8: noidtymer folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 9: ShArK00000 folded before Flop (didn't bet)